While very young, we learn the storyline of George Washington’s misadventure with the cherry tree along with his bold admittance to his parents, “I cannot tell a lie; I chopped down the cherry tree!” Truthfulness is integrated in our character, and oftentimes telling a little white lie can wrack us with guilt. But could it actually be advantageous to be untruthful when chatting with a family member with Alzheimer’s?
According to the Alzheimer’s Association, “loving deception” entails allowing someone with dementia to keep uncorrected misconceptions in order to reduce anxiety and agitation. For example, let’s say your father with Alzheimer’s consistently asks for his parents. The stark reality is, his parents both died many years ago; but protecting him from re-experiencing the raw grief of learning this truth over and over again provides a measure of comfort. An appropriate response might be, “They’re not here now, but they’re out together enjoying the afternoon.”
Martin Schreiber, author of “My Two Elaines: Learning, Coping and Surviving as an Alzheimer’s Caregiver”, teaches that there’s little or no benefit to correcting loved ones with dementia. He mentions, “This concerns the importance of joining the world of the person with Alzheimer’s.”
Nevertheless, it’s important to limit the white lies to instances in which the senior would be upset and gain no benefit from being told the simple truth, especially when questions about the situation are repeatedly being asked. There’s a time and place forhonesty in dementia, such as when someone you care about has just passed on, and the person deserves the chance to work through initial grief.
These additional tactics can also help restore calm, instead of lying:
- Switch topics to something more enjoyable or calming.
- Make an effort to discern the emotion being conveyed and help manage that.
- Try listening to the individual with empathy and acknowledge the feelings being experienced.
With millions of Americans currently coping with Alzheimer’s disease – as many as 5.5 million estimated in 2017 by the Alzheimer’s Association, and a full 32 percent of those ages 85 and older – it is very important to all of us to understand methods to effectively communicate with those impacted by Alzheimer’s while we anxiously await a remedy.
For additional communication recommendations for achieving the balance of honesty in dementia to apply with your family member with Alzheimer’s disease, contact the Hinsdale IL senior care experts at Independence-4-Seniors Home Care in Hinsdale IL. We’re also on hand to provide professional, specialized in-home care for those with Alzheimer’s, along with education for families to better manage the disease. Give us a call at (630) 323-4665 for assistance.