Family financial affairs are often a taboo subject, as well as the cause of many different arguments, enhanced emotions, and misunderstandings. And for lots of today’s seniors, who maintain a “Depression mentality” from many years of saving for a rainy day and learning to “waste not, want not,” it may be hard for them to share access to finances with adult children, and also to acknowledge the necessity to spend some of those personal finances on caregiving needs.
Speaking about helping elderly parents with finances and their care needs is most efficient when started before the need develops, understanding it might take a few talks until an agreement can be achieved. These discussion starters will help:
- “Dad, at some point, we have to make some choices in regards to the future. Now might be a good time to relax together and look at your wishes and to make sure we are able to adhere to those wishes.”
- “Mom, I know you’re managing your money just fine now, but what if something were to happen to your health that stopped you from paying your bills on time? It would be beneficial to have a backup plan set up. Let’s take a moment and come up with one.”
- “Mom and Dad, you have always been so great at managing your money and providing for us while we were growing up. We would like to be sure to carry on that legacy, and also to understand how best to help the two of you meet your financial obligations in case the time comes that you might want some assistance with that.”
It is also important to share real-life scenarios of a friend or neighbor who was victimized by identity theft, or a story from the media about the changing economy, stock market declines, adjustments to tax laws, etc. This can jumpstart a discussion about your aging parents’ own retirement plans and any financial fears for the future, letting you come to a mutually agreeable resolution, such as talking with a financial advisor together.
First and foremost, make sure to uphold a feeling of respect, never seeking to “take over” your parents’ senior finances, but to give the reassurance and peace of mind that their financial matters will continue to be managed effectively. Ask your parents for recommendations and include them in the decision-making process. Daniel Lash, certified financial planner at VLP Financial Advisors, advises, “Tell them what you’re thinking about doing so you give them the power to tell you what they think you should do. It’s like they’re giving you advice because that’s what parents are good at – giving advice.”
Independence-4-Seniors Home Care offers an in-home consultation to help older adults and those who love them to discover their options for care, and to help mediate complicated conversations such as those linked to finances. Reach out to us at 630-323-4665 for suggestions and to learn more about our Hinsdale senior care services.